Madalyn and Tom Fitzpatrick of San Mateo, former chairs of the Cal Parents' board and charter members of the organization, have sent both their sons to Cal: Thomas graduated in '94 and Jonathan in '97.

Madalyn and Tom have welcomed hundreds of new families to UC Berkeley, putting them at ease by sharing their experiences as parents of Cal students. In the Fall 1995 issue of Letter Home, we printed the text of Madalyn's talk to new parents. Since her advice continues to ring true, we reprint it here.

On behalf of the Cal Parents organization, I'd like to welcome you to the University of California, Berkeley. You've already heard a great deal about the University and now I'd like to talk about the people who make it all possible: you, the parents of Cal students.

I first sat in your position in 1990. My son had attended a private elementary school and a single-sex private high school before coming to this school, which is larger than many cities. I had a lot of questions.

Now, five years, two Cal students, and one graduation later, I have a few answers. I'd like to share some of them with you.

I think my biggest question as a freshman parent was: "Given the enormous size of Cal, will my son be lost, will he become just one of thousands of nameless students walking across a large, impersonal campus?"

The good news is that my son did not become lost, and neither will your son or daughter if they take the time and effort to downsize the university.

Cal has 30,000 students, but the light-weight crew team has less than 30. Thousands live in the dorms, but you become an individual at your dorm's floor meetings. The administrative buildings are intimidating, bureaucratic edifices, but they are staffed with real people - men and women who care about this university and its students. The Cal faculty is numerous and bright and busy, but if you make the effort to talk to your teacher, even if there are 200 students in your class, chances are you will find him or her happy to discuss what's on your mind.

Cal is a large, impersonal university only if you let it be that. You need to create your own mini-Cals to belong to.

So the big question was answered, but I had many more questions. For instance:

1.	Will he be best friends with his roommates? Probably not.
2.	Is it OK not to be best friends with your roommates? Yes, and it teaches the arts of diplomacy and compromise.
3.	Will he lose his student ID card? More than once.
4.	Will he complain about the dorm food? Of course, but remember, there's always salad and cereal -- they will not starve.
5.	Will he get enough sleep? Yes.
6.	Will his sleeping hours be in a different time zone? Usually.
7.	Will he on the occasion of feeling sick, failing a course, being lonely, or ending a relationship call home to tell you that life sucks? Bet on it.
8.	Will he call home just to tell you how happy he is? Don't bet on it.
9.	Will he remember to pay the phone bill? Sometimes.
10.	Should I worry if he comes home often? No.
11.	Should I worry if he never comes home? No.
12.	Will he find the library? Not in the first month.
13.	Will he ever get used to the idea of coed bathrooms? For the first few months, my first son would call all his buddies in the dorm so they could occupy every shower in the bathroom, so as not to run the risk of actually encountering a female. But yes, as time wore on, coed bathrooms were no big deal.

I know that many of you have different concerns than the few I've addressed, but I would like to recommend a book that I found most helpful in adjusting to sons and daughters going away to college. It is Letting Go, by Karen Coburn and Madge Treeger. Dr. Spock got me through the first few years. Letting Go has helped a lot during the last few.

It is important for you to remember that you are not alone. Shortly after our first son started Cal, I phoned the school to let them know that we had not been receiving any parent information. I was very politely informed that I shouldn't be expecting any.

After being involved in the boys' educational settings for so many years, it didn't seem quite right to be cut off so abruptly. For this reason, I am thankful for the formation of the Cal Parents organization. We are part of the school community and we need to communicate. We are the extended family. And, as family members, I'd like you to join your new relatives by supporting the Cal Parents organization.