Sage Advice from Parents

College is an exciting time for students and parents — also a time to make challenging adjustments. Other Cal parents share their tips for making the transition a smooth one when your child leaves for Berkeley:

Accept that things will be different. A new family dynamic is created when a student heads off to college, especially if it's your first child leaving home.

Don't panic over homesickness. Discourage your student from coming home too soon or too often. It's hard to know your child is lonely, but homesickness is a natural part of leaving home and becoming independent. Bringing homesick students home on weekends may seem comforting, but it keeps them from making new college friends and prolongs their adjustment. Weekends are the time for parties, sports, and other activities on which friendships are built — don't let your student miss out.

Don't cry on your child's shoulder. Resist the temptation to tell your student that you're sad or lonely if you are struggling with your own separation anxiety. Let students know they're missed, but be positive and encourage them.

Overwhelmed on campus? Give them time. College life is busy and demanding. At Berkeley, students who have always been academic superstars now find that their classmates are all equally talented. Some can become overwhelmed and unsure of how to manage it all. This is normal. They need your love and assurance, and time to adjust.

Be sure your student asks for help. Academic, emotional, and physical support services abound at Berkeley to help students succeed. They just have to ask.

Lend your emotional support. Students need parental patience, understanding, and love as they adjust to university life. Keep the lines of communication open, and be reassuring when they call. As they become more independent, you may find that the parent-child bond strengthens.

Send a screenful. Give your student space, but keep in touch. E-mail works well — messages can be sent and answered any time without interrupting study (or fun). Keep the messages short and newsy.